Addiction has the ability to irrevocably sever the most intimate bonds of family and friendship. Whether your goal is to amend a family relationship, a work relationship, or to humble yourself before others whom you have offended, making amends is an important step toward rectifying a broken situation. Reflecting on previous attempts at making amends can provide valuable insights and learning opportunities for more effective amends in the future. Examples of lessons learned might include realizing the importance of timing, understanding the other person’s perspective, and recognizing when an apology is better left unsaid if it causes harm.
Addiction and Mental Health Resources
Some might be too tested by prior behaviors and actions that they simply need space. Or the people you need to apologize and make amends to are no longer living. Regardless, you’ll have to come to terms with this, acknowledge any wrongdoing—even if it’s a private entry in a daily journal—and adjust your behavior or action as to not harm anyone else in the same ways. No matter where you are in your recovery journey, Waypoint Recovery Center in North Charleston, SC, is committed to providing you with the resources you need to be successful. It’s possible to be too early in the healing journey to start making amends. If you’re actively using drugs or alcohol, making amends can seem like an empty gesture to the other person.
- I always thought that I had been making direct amends whenever I had injured others.
- Living amends is a promise to yourself that you have made a genuine lifestyle change.
- Since I spent years in a boozy haze all sorts of hurts were ignored.
- Listen to what the other person has to say, validate their feelings, and ask what you can do to help rebuild trust in your relationship.
Are You Ready for Step 8 AA?
This script is your guide, providing a framework for acknowledging specific wrongdoings, articulating the harm caused, and outlining possible reparations or actions. When you make amends, you want to be as specific as possible in explaining the reason for your actions. Don’t simply amends definition aa say, “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you.” This can be seen as an attempt to minimize the effect your actions had or to imply that the other person doesn’t have a right to be upset. You want to specifically state what you’ve done to cause harm, then express your commitment to lasting change. Listen to what the other person has to say, validate their feelings, and ask what you can do to help rebuild trust in your relationship. The third category should include the people who should not be contacted until a full and certain recovery has been achieved.
Accepting Mixed Outcomes
Making amends is an integral part of personal growth and healing. It is so imperative to make amends with those people whom you have wronged that it is outlined, clearly, in Alcoholics Anonymous. Steps eight and nine of the Twelve Steps specifically call for amends.
- Alcoholics Anonymous is a 12-Step program designed to help participants achieve and maintain sobriety by attending regular meetings and working through each of the 12 Steps in sequence.
- Overall, the step of making amends in AA encompasses the program’s mission to heal the emotional and spiritual aspects of alcoholism while also diminishing the physical and mental side effects of addiction.
- We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally.
Making Amends: How to Approach Step 9 AA… and When Not To
If there are any concerns about content we have published, please reach out to us at Avoid the temptation to shirk responsibility by casting blame or justifying your actions. If you are seeking drug and alcohol related addiction rehab for yourself or a loved one, the SoberNation.com hotline is a confidential and convenient solution. It takes courage to not only admit a wrongful behavior or action, but also face the fact that someone else suffered consequences as a result. In such cases, symbolic amends such as writing an unsent letter of apology or contributing to a relevant charity can be considered. It requires good judgment to navigate the intricacies of making restitution with a sense of responsibility and sensitivity to avoid causing further damage, lest we make the wreckage of the past worse.
- When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles.
- Step 9 also allows one to practice the processes of self-reflection, accountability and making amends, all key components the next step, Step 10.
- In a serene, retreat-like setting, providing personalized detox, residential, and day treatment plans for clients with substance use disorders.
- A sponsor can offer guidance, expert input, and information from their own experience working these steps.
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